By Joana Tacheny for Work-at-Home.org
The day my daughter was born was the happiest day of my life. Watching my husband drive her to daycare so I could keep my day job was like having my own heart ripped from my body.
So I got a work at home job. My job was in sales and I knew I couldn’t be successful at sales while still watching a toddler, so she was in day care part of the time. I was still able to meet her there for lunch, be there much more than I would have in a full time outside job, and often I was able to pick her up early and have quality time.
Many of us moms instinctively know how important it is to be there for babies and young children, and I was there.
I am not writing to pass judgment or tell any mother, that whether they stay home or work away from home, are right or wrong. But I think many of us moms need to also re-think our importance in our kids’ lives in their difficult teen years.
The middle school years and high school years, ages 11 to 18 are crucial to your children. They are being exposed to social elements and behaviors that can turn destructive at any given time. They begin to care what they look like, how they dress, what they say and who they hang out with. They may begin to withdraw, shut down inside and bask in their confusion. They may remain intact in a womb, not their mother’s, their own… in their shell of self-doubt and fear and often, anger. They may feel different. Their face may not be as pretty or good looking as others that confidently pass them in the hall. Their legs and their arms, may be uncoordinated and unable to perform and be a star on a sports team. They may struggle with homework and get poor grades. Often having to fend for themselves, figure out their own math problems, only to be teased later for failing a test. Or, to be shamefully reprimanded by their teachers for not caring and not studying. Then, to ultimately be disgraced and tormented by their parents for their awful report card. Often, they search for love, solace and companionship, not at home, but on the streets or somewhere in their town where the unwanted and unloved children and teens seem to gather. And often alcohol, drugs, sex and disturbing music are the crutches that hold them up, until they crash and fall.
I can’t be with my daughter 24/7. I can’t always protect her from some of the ugliness that is in our world. And I can’t physically stop her from making bad choices. The odds are, she will make some. But I can search for the means, the way to be there when she gets home from her middle school, and eventually her high school. I can see her face at 3:10pm, read her body language or listen to her silence. I can hear her on her cell phone, see what windows are open on her computer. Observe her friends who knock on our door, or pick her up in their parents car, or someday their own car. I can know where she is going and what time she gets home. I can continue giving her unconditional love and support. I can sometimes overwhelm her with love if I want to. Because I will be there. I will be there to notice a change in her. A look, a mannerism or an attitude that will trigger a red flag. I will sit there with her quietly and hold her and love her until she is ready to talk to me. Or, I will sit in another room and give her some independence, some space and some time to remember that she can trust me. I can’t and won’t ever be her best friend. I have to remain her mother. But she can like me and find comfort in knowing that I will never walk away from her. Ever. I can ask her questions, and realize that often I will likely have to accept a yes or no answer. What I won’t have to do is rush in the door at 6:30PM and be angry that the traffic was horrible, or that my boss criticized my work. I won’t have to scream at her for messing up the house or forgetting to take the chicken out of the freezer. I won’t be too tired to ask how her day at school was and what she’s got planned for the evening. I won’t have missed out on those few hours between 3:10PM and 6:30pm Monday through Friday when freedom, temptation, opportunity and boredom face my daughter head on. I won’t be too tired, or too stressed to notice that something is wrong with her. I won’t because, I will have been there.
These years….these heartbreaking, ecstatic, disappointing, frightening and happy years for our children and are teens come around only once. I will have my life, my independence, my time with my husband, my siblings and my friends. I will have my hobbies, my activities and my world with my own set of problems and disappointments. But most importantly what I will have, is my daughter, my love for her and my time for her when she walks through that door. And during those precious few hours after school, I will sense and I will know, if I am losing her and I will pull her back in. And I will be thankful that I was home and that my home office is just up the steps.
JoAnna is a home-based freelance writer, wife and daughter and she works at home. You can reach her at: jotack16(at)aol.com
Copyright 2007 Work-at-Home.org
The day my daughter was born was the happiest day of my life. Watching my husband drive her to daycare so I could keep my day job was like having my own heart ripped from my body.
So I got a work at home job. My job was in sales and I knew I couldn’t be successful at sales while still watching a toddler, so she was in day care part of the time. I was still able to meet her there for lunch, be there much more than I would have in a full time outside job, and often I was able to pick her up early and have quality time.
Many of us moms instinctively know how important it is to be there for babies and young children, and I was there.
I am not writing to pass judgment or tell any mother, that whether they stay home or work away from home, are right or wrong. But I think many of us moms need to also re-think our importance in our kids’ lives in their difficult teen years.
The middle school years and high school years, ages 11 to 18 are crucial to your children. They are being exposed to social elements and behaviors that can turn destructive at any given time. They begin to care what they look like, how they dress, what they say and who they hang out with. They may begin to withdraw, shut down inside and bask in their confusion. They may remain intact in a womb, not their mother’s, their own… in their shell of self-doubt and fear and often, anger. They may feel different. Their face may not be as pretty or good looking as others that confidently pass them in the hall. Their legs and their arms, may be uncoordinated and unable to perform and be a star on a sports team. They may struggle with homework and get poor grades. Often having to fend for themselves, figure out their own math problems, only to be teased later for failing a test. Or, to be shamefully reprimanded by their teachers for not caring and not studying. Then, to ultimately be disgraced and tormented by their parents for their awful report card. Often, they search for love, solace and companionship, not at home, but on the streets or somewhere in their town where the unwanted and unloved children and teens seem to gather. And often alcohol, drugs, sex and disturbing music are the crutches that hold them up, until they crash and fall.
I can’t be with my daughter 24/7. I can’t always protect her from some of the ugliness that is in our world. And I can’t physically stop her from making bad choices. The odds are, she will make some. But I can search for the means, the way to be there when she gets home from her middle school, and eventually her high school. I can see her face at 3:10pm, read her body language or listen to her silence. I can hear her on her cell phone, see what windows are open on her computer. Observe her friends who knock on our door, or pick her up in their parents car, or someday their own car. I can know where she is going and what time she gets home. I can continue giving her unconditional love and support. I can sometimes overwhelm her with love if I want to. Because I will be there. I will be there to notice a change in her. A look, a mannerism or an attitude that will trigger a red flag. I will sit there with her quietly and hold her and love her until she is ready to talk to me. Or, I will sit in another room and give her some independence, some space and some time to remember that she can trust me. I can’t and won’t ever be her best friend. I have to remain her mother. But she can like me and find comfort in knowing that I will never walk away from her. Ever. I can ask her questions, and realize that often I will likely have to accept a yes or no answer. What I won’t have to do is rush in the door at 6:30PM and be angry that the traffic was horrible, or that my boss criticized my work. I won’t have to scream at her for messing up the house or forgetting to take the chicken out of the freezer. I won’t be too tired to ask how her day at school was and what she’s got planned for the evening. I won’t have missed out on those few hours between 3:10PM and 6:30pm Monday through Friday when freedom, temptation, opportunity and boredom face my daughter head on. I won’t be too tired, or too stressed to notice that something is wrong with her. I won’t because, I will have been there.
These years….these heartbreaking, ecstatic, disappointing, frightening and happy years for our children and are teens come around only once. I will have my life, my independence, my time with my husband, my siblings and my friends. I will have my hobbies, my activities and my world with my own set of problems and disappointments. But most importantly what I will have, is my daughter, my love for her and my time for her when she walks through that door. And during those precious few hours after school, I will sense and I will know, if I am losing her and I will pull her back in. And I will be thankful that I was home and that my home office is just up the steps.
JoAnna is a home-based freelance writer, wife and daughter and she works at home. You can reach her at: jotack16(at)aol.com
Copyright 2007 Work-at-Home.org
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